My sister

Tuesday morning. I sit here in the peace and quiet of my Paris apartment. My time is my own. I have nothing on the agenda today. No plans. I can and will do anything I want. No worries.

Well, I do have bills to pay. Finances to juggle. But I can meet my needs.

In the meantime, back in Denver, my sister is in the hospital - again. She's just had her third major neck operation, after two back operations and a hip replacement. The problem with all of these operations, besides the obvious impacts on her health, mobility, and finances, has been her almost continuous use of pain medications. Her ever-higher tolerance to narcotics creates an escalating battle to manage her post-surgical pain.

It's not a pretty sight to see her completely out of her mind in pain and in withdrawal; one feels so helpless. The nurses get nervous: "If I give her a higher dose she won't be able to breathe". But if she doesn't get enough she screams and thrashes. It's frightening.

I was with her for the last few surgeries - I took the night shift after my mother and niece Pammy finished the day shift. It was painful for me but helpful for my sister.

I'm not there this time and so the burden falls on my mother and my niece - as it always does. For my mother it is another cross to bear, and she wears herself out spending the day at my sister's bedside and then going home to spend the evening and night at my father's bedside.

While I sit here in Paris as free as a bird.

Where do our responsibilities to each other begin and end? Where do we draw the line and take care of ourselves first?

My mother clearly takes care of everyone else first. And I struggle with the example that she sets.

Do I sound torn? Feeling slightly guilty for my freedom and my great good fortune? Yes. But I'm not ready to come back. I have a life too! And I'm only beginning to see what it means to me. I am 60 years old and I feel like my life is just beginning.

I suddenly have an image of myself as a two-year-old: stamping her foot, her arms crossed, shouting NO! as she tests her independence. Maybe I missed this step somewhere along the way?!

Anyway, I'm not ready to come back. I need this time for myself. So, until my mother or niece or sister call me up begging me to return, I'm staying put.

Musings

I just reread my last two postings and noticed that I wrote "music playing in the background". Twice. Why bother to mention something so innocuous, so banal? I suspect that many of you have music playing in the background. But in my former home I did not. My significant other didn't like music playing in the background and so I accepted that without question, without confrontation. He also didn't like candles. So no candlelight dinners for us! This is not a complaint, not an indictment of him. I probably didn't even know what I wanted. If so, I never made my wishes known. There was never a confrontation about something so trite.

Perhaps this is another lesson learned from my mother who has spent 60 years accepting the primacy of my father's wishes over her own?

Did I have to come all the way to Paris to notice these things? I don't know. Maybe. Now I have the time and the space and the music playing the background to write and to discover what is important to me.

Rainy day in Paris

I awake to the sound of pounding rain accompanied by low rumbling thunder. It's after 9 AM and I realize that I finally fell asleep after getting up several times in the night to adjust the fan, open the windows wider, freshen the cold washcloth on my face, neck and chest. What a welcome change after the oppressive heat of the last two days.

I do love Paris in all seasons and in all types of weather, although when it's cold it's really really cold, and when it's hot, it's too hot. There is very little air conditioning in Paris. You can find it in the very large department stores, and in some but certainly not all movie theatres, and some but not all cafes and restaurants. The crowded metro is the worst, with passengers struggling to maintain some distance and some space to breathe in the suffocating trains.

This morning's rain is welcome. The temperature is back in the 70's after the 90's of the last two days. It's Saturday and the start of the "grand depart" for some. School just ended this week and Paris will start to empty of residents and fill with tourists for the next two months. I seem to be traveling in reverse - arriving back in Paris just when many are leaving. But I'm happy to have some empty days ahead: Days to wander and to write and to enjoy the music playing in the background of my new apartment.

p.s. I did go out to the market this morning and here is the view from under the Monet umbrella that I bought in Giverny during my visit with Teri and JD.

Paris apartment

It feels good to be back in Paris. Actually, it feels good to unpack my suitcase and to eat at home instead of going to a restaurant.

I moved into a new apartment in Paris yesterday. I found it on Craigslist. I didn't realize that Craigslist was international. Thanks Philippe! This apartment is right around the corner from the first apartment I stayed in back in March. It's in the 5th arrondissement and I already knew and liked the neighborhood from staying near here before. I'm near markets and several bus lines, and the metro and RER aren't far away. It's larger than the last apartment I had in Paris and has two rooms - a bedroom and a living room woohoo! Best of all, it is light, bright and QUIET!

Here are a few photos so that you can imagine me sitting at my desk composing these messages:


Here's the other half of the living room and the kitchen:


The views aren't spectacular - there's no Eiffel Tower or famous landmark to look at, but it is wonderful to be up high and look down at the roofs rather than be on the ground floor and look out at blank wall as I've done before.


The apartment also has a washing machine, a CD player plus CD's (I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't have an iPod or iPhone . . ) and a TV. I also have a good internet connection! The temperature is in the 90s today, but I am happily sitting here writing to you, listening to music, and staying cool.

p.s. The apartment also has a scale in the bathroom. I weighed myself for the first time and my suspicions were confirmed. The news is not good . . .

Annecy

Annecy is another picturesque town on a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains. That seems to be the theme this week. As is renting a bike to explore the lakefront. I took the easy flat trail, but there are also much more ambitious trails for people like Carol and Gary.


I stopped to watch people playing chess in a public park


And even though it was a Monday afternoon, there were plenty of people in the parks and in the water.


The historic center of Annecy is especially picturesque with its ancient buildings, narrow pedestrian streets, canals, and boats for lake cruises.


This is perhaps the most photographed spot of all - the "Palais de l'Isle" a prison built in the twelfth century.

Geneva

I arrived in Geneva on Sunday morning which is a great time to visit parks, and not a great time if you want to go shopping. The normally bustling city streets were completely empty.


Everyone was playing in the water or in the parks. This platform in the lake serves as a "beach"

Complete with changing rooms and a diving platform:


Now that I've gotten the hang of renting bikes, it's a great way to explore the town. Especially the lake fronts which are nice and flat. No work required. The bikes are even free for the first four hours, and I had to wait around a bit for one to be available. Geneva is a major UN headquarters and there were some very evocative exhibits regarding the peace process as well as a series of globes with messages promoting concern for earth's fragile environment.


I also explored the lake in a boat. The boat is a regular shuttle taking people back and forth across the lake and the price was included in the free transport ticket given out by the hotel. There is a huge fountain in the middle of the lake. It's ~460ft high and one the largest in the world. I didn't realize how lucky I was to see it as it wasn't working on Monday morning when I left.


What a great way to pass a Sunday!

Vevey

There are steamboats on Lac Léman too. I was in Montreux exploring when a steamboat bound for Vevey pulled up and I hopped on.

I was fascinated by the workings of the steam engine and paddle mechanism.


They stop and reverse the engine using mechanical controls. It was amazing to watch.


So why did I want to go to Vevey? That is where the "Alimentarium" or "Museum of Food" is located and you all know how I feel about food!

The building was quite beautiful.


With a cool sculpture in front.


The gardens all around the building were a veritable potager with hundreds of different vegetables and culinary herbs. There were even vegetables planted in the walkway that runs along the lakefront through the town of Vevey.


The museum itself had all kinds of educational exhibits about food, nutrition, digestion, eating habits and food history from around the world. It also had a kitchen with demonstrations and a cafe with a three course swiss lunch.

I was well into my visit before I realized that the building was the former world headquarters for the Nestle corporation which is based in Vevey. Nestle is the largest food company in the world with ~$100B in revenue per year. I suddenly had a sinking feeling as I remembered the Nestle boycott which started in the late 1970's due to promotion of infant formulas over breastfeeding in the third world. The controversy continues and I noticed in hindsight that there was no mention of infant formulas or breastfeeding in any of the exhibits.